For my followers, and non-followers, I wrote this well into my third relationship and it’s quite old. It was not fashioned any time after my breakup; in addition, I am placing this back on here because I am tired of being told what to do! It’s like telling a lion to stop hunting. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am loyal and dedicated to never holding back. Never have, never will. I live my life on moralistic and judicious terms, and if anyone can’t see that that is not my problem.
"God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days." Why should you and I?
Growing up as a child, I did not know much, nor did I ever consider what was happening in my life. Everything seemed to be a blur. To be quite honest, most of my life was like a blur, a passing by as if you were in a car watching the trees move by so fast you never could keep up with the pace. As if I were meant to look back and never move forward. I doubted life in the beginning. I didn’t know what happiness meant, or what a true smile felt like. I was raised in poverty, and had to fight to even breathe; fight to eat; fight to fight. I was mostly sad, poor and hopeless. I didn’t know how to read and write, so there was no hope in finding my salvation in books. I chose an angry life and path and, in a sense, I don’t doubt it now because it all had brought me to you.
Surely, you have questioned my past and all its experiences; you have doubted me in the same way in which I doubted myself. I never had a mother to hold me the way yours holds you; I never had a father to caress me the same way your father caresses you. All my existence revolved around anger and hate. Love, caring and passion were never considered an option in a world of pure darkness and sadness, until I met you. There was a time when my uncle (not really my true uncle) came in my room and grabbed my brother and me, he took us from our bed and lined us up on the wall, and beat us with the buckle of the belt. At that time and moment, I felt a lift of love and sincerity lift from my heart, to never think it would ever come back once more, until I met you.
You questioned my first relationship, and thought I was in love, yet, I wasn’t. I didn’t know what love meant, what love beholden, what loving another had anything to do with me, my thoughts, my pursuits. I was lost, naïve, and every moment was like a blur, as well. You questioned whether I felt the same love for the both of you, and I answer with a definitive no! You questioned if I would experience the same experiences with you, I answer you with a definitive no once more!
You questioned and doubted my feelings of my second girlfriend, and do try to remember that I broke up with them both, not because I fell out of love (I didn’t know what love meant until I met you) but because I never felt with them what I felt with you; I didn’t feel anything compared to the love I felt from you for them! When we first spoke on Facetime, I could not believe the instant attraction I perceived for you. I was confused because I never experienced that before. I had past relationships, but when I saw you, I didn’t see your beauty on the outside, I saw beauty within. And when I went to sleep, I kid you not (and I told this to you the very next day), I said an angel came to me and whispered in my ear that you were the one! He told me it wouldn’t be easy, but you deserved true love! Deserved a true man! He knew my love, devotion, affection and passion for the right woman, and spoke with determination to be the man for you! And I did! I stayed strong when you received a text from another guy, I stayed strong when you yelled at me for something, and I stayed strong when you accused me of nothing. Being with you, I felt what I have never felt before! True love!
I didn’t care what anyone thought; I only wanted to see you smile. I cherished our talks and walks on the beach; I adored our runs together and when you yelled at me to shut up. I wasn’t mad when you did yell, I knew you loved me; I knew you cared for me. I knew your dedication instilled in my heart what was lost before, the lost of my love and sincerity. I respected you on every level for that and told myself to never hurt this woman while you gave me the opportunity to be by your side.
I utilized every principle to guide my heart and love for you, to show you that I could be the best man for you! I wasn’t trying to prove anything because it didn’t feel like a job, it, for the very first time, felt real! I truly loved being around you. I couldn’t care if we laid down in bed all day, hours on end, as long as I was with you, I was the happiest man alive. I looked forward to our showers together! There was no feeling like the one when I would sit on the bathtub floor, staring up, watching a Daisy wash for the very first time! It was magical! I was precious! When I washed your legs, it wasn’t out of boredom of waiting for you to finish showering. It was instant, it was right! When I moved my hands along your sexy and smooth legs, it was like gliding over a Goddess! I never wanted to touch another leg ever again!
I appreciate you for every wrong and bad we had encountered because you had raised my heart and soul from the grave of despair! I, not once, ever lay in bed with anyone and cuddled the way I cuddled with you! I swear! My arm would literally go numb, and I had no intention of moving it! Truthfully, I couldn’t care if it died, as long as you were comfortable, that’s what matter most to me. As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t know much, but you opened my eyes. Your love has provided me light for the darkness that consumed me! Your devotion stopped the blur and helped me see life in its present form! I say these things not to blemish your cheek red, I say this from pure fact, from pure truth that you are absolutely right, I will never, ever, ever find a love like yours! I would never see the twinkle that I saw in your eyes in another woman’s eyes. And, I say to you! I don’t ever want to experience another day, another minute, another second without you, your devotion, your spirit, your tears, your ice cream, your buffalo wings, your cooking, your kisses, your hugs, your yelling, your accusing, your smiling, your heart, with you not in my arms; not in my life; not in my heart!
You are a diamond amongst clams, a rose amongst thorns, and a ray of sunshine amongst a forever casting shadow! And I am the luckiest man alive to have such a gorgeous woman in my presence! I thank God and the angel for bringing you into my life! I am grateful for you, your beauty, and your love!